Welcome therapists and group practice owners! I’m Nicole McCance, a psychologist turned business coach for therapists. I’ve recently been thinking about something we don’t talk about enough in our field. We spend so much time helping our clients navigate relationships, but what about our own? What’s it really like being married to someone like us, someone who’s driven, ambitious, and building something significant?
You’re not normal. I’m not normal either. We’re outliers, and that comes with some unique challenges in our relationships. Today I want to share some honest truths about what I’ve learned over 13 years of marriage while building and selling a 55-therapist practice, and how a recent wake-up call changed everything.
P.S. Not a huge fan of reading blogs? (I’m more of a podcast girl myself) You can listen to my podcast episode all about this topic by clicking here! Or watch my Youtube video below.
Why High-Achieving Therapists Struggle in Relationships
When you’re building a group practice, you’re essentially having a love affair with your business. You’re obsessed with growth, distracted by the next milestone, and committed to serving your clients. Add parenting to that mix (if you have kids), and suddenly your partner can feel like they’re at the bottom of your priority list.
I met my husband Dan online 13 years ago. He proposed six months later, and we were married a year after that. One year later, we had twins. Our love story happened fast, and it’s been easy in so many ways.
Before we had kids, loving each other was straightforward. He was the only other person who could fill my cup with affection and attention. But once we became parents, things started to change.
Our kids started filling that need for physical affection and connection. Between client sessions, building the business, and parenting two boys (one with diabetes), entire days would go by where we barely made eye contact.
The Wake-Up Call Every Therapist Partnership Needs
Now let me tell you a true story about something that happened two months ago.
Dan told me something that hit hard. He said he felt neglected, lonely, and like he didn’t really matter in my life. He’d been holding this in because I was too busy to notice, and he didn’t want to add to my plate.
And the uncomfortable truth is that I don’t actually need him for my happiness. I know how to thrive on my own. I go to meditation, yoga, and read my books. I have amazing conversations with friends and clients. I’ve built this self-sufficiency as a survival mechanism from my childhood, where I learned to be independent early on. But that strength can also be a problem in a marriage.
We’re so good at filling our own cups that we forget to let our partners in.
We’re therapists, so we’re excellent communicators about our own needs, but we sometimes miss the signs that our partners are struggling. Because we’re busy building something beautiful, we assume if they’re not telling us something’s wrong, everything must be fine.
Signs Your Partner Might Be Feeling Neglected
Watch for these patterns in your relationship:
- Days go by without meaningful eye contact or conversation beyond logistics
- Your partner stops sharing their thoughts, feelings, or needs with you
- You’re more excited about your business wins than connecting with your spouse
- Physical intimacy and affection have taken a back seat to exhaustion
- You feel more fulfilled by client sessions than by time with your partner
- Your spouse has stopped asking you about your day or your work
What I Learned from Couples Therapy
After that conversation, I knew we needed help.
We booked couples therapy, and we’re down to once a month now. Sometimes we don’t have major issues to discuss, but we use that hour to really connect and talk about meaningful things.
- How are we really feeling?
- What are we worried about?
- What do we need from each other?
During one of those sessions, I had a realization.
When Dan told me he felt lonely, I started making more effort to cuddle and connect. And you know what happened? That strong, independent part of me that usually leans on work and achievement suddenly had a soft place to fall. I realized there was this box of love in my home that I’d forgotten to open.
My whole nervous system responded. I discovered that what I’m actually striving for isn’t just wealth or professional success. It’s being present in my life and being surrounded by abundant love. And guess what? I already have that! I just needed to pay attention to it.
How Group Practice Owners Can Protect Their Marriages
When listening to success stories from seven-figure group practice owners, you’ll hear a common theme.
Most of us say we built our practices for freedom and flexibility so we could pick up our kids and be home for dinner. But how many of us say we built our practices to spend more time with our partners?
Here’s what I’m implementing in my own marriage, and what I suggest for you:
- Set a monthly reminder to check in with your partner. Don’t wait for them to tell you something’s wrong. Ask them directly how it really feels to be married to a high-achieving therapist. Make space for an honest answer.
- Consider staying in couples therapy even if things feel fine. We’re creatures of habit, and time will go by faster than you realize. That monthly or quarterly check-in with a therapist creates a dedicated space to connect meaningfully when your daily life is packed with other responsibilities.
- Let your partner support you. We’re so strong and self-sufficient that we forget to soften and receive. Are you opening your heart enough to breathe in the love that’s already there? Are you allowing yourself to be vulnerable and admit when you need comfort or connection?
The Truth About Work-Life Balance for Therapists
I think you have to have an obsessive part of yourself to succeed in building a group practice.
At the beginning, it requires going all in and committing fully. There’s no way around that intensity. But you can’t let that obsession completely take over your life to the point where your partner becomes an afterthought.
Dan doesn’t have a traditional role in our relationship. I retired him from real estate, and now he takes care of our family while I get more status, more attention from the world, and more professional fulfillment. That dynamic requires even more intentionality from me to make sure he feels valued and appreciated.
Between dinner, dishes, homework, hockey, showers, and managing our son’s diabetes appointments, it’s easy to get to the end of the day and realize we haven’t really connected.
That eye contact, that moment of presence, that’s the foundation for everything else in your relationship.
Your Action Plan for a Stronger Partnership
If you’re married to the right person, someone who loves you and supports your vision, you owe it to both of you to actively nurture that relationship. Don’t wait until your partner hits rock bottom to have the conversation.
Here’s what you can do starting today:
- Schedule a monthly calendar reminder to check in with your partner about how they’re really feeling
- Book couples therapy even if things seem fine (use it as preventive care for your relationship)
- Ask your partner directly: “How does it feel being married to someone building a group practice?”
- Create rituals for connection that aren’t negotiable (morning coffee together, device-free dinners, weekend date mornings)
- Practice receiving support instead of only giving it (let yourself be vulnerable and ask for help)
- Make eye contact at least once a day and have a real conversation beyond logistics
Turn to your partner tonight and ask them how they’re really doing. How does it feel being married to someone who’s building something big? Are they feeling supported? Seen? Valued? And then actually listen to the answer without getting defensive or immediately problem-solving.
Remember, we’re teaching people how to treat us, and that includes our partners. If you want a relationship that feels like a true partnership, you need to show up for it even when you’re tired, even when the business is demanding, even when the kids need you.
The background music of your life should be abundant love. But you actually have to tune in and listen to it. Stop rushing past the person standing beside you. They’re not just there to support your dream. They’re part of the dream itself.
Want even more strategies for building a thriving therapy practice while protecting what matters most? Follow me on Instagram or listen to my podcast, The Business Savvy Therapist!
Your Business Bestie,
Nicole
