Welcome therapists and group practice owners! I’m Nicole McCance, a psychologist turned business coach for therapists.
The other day in coaching, one of my members said something that got my attention. She’d put all the Clinic Growth Map™ systems in place, everything was finally flowing, and for the first time in years she had free time. But her honest reaction was, “I don’t know what to do with myself, and it feels uncomfortable.” She was so used to seeing 30 clients a week that stillness felt strange.
If you’ve ever felt that, I want you to know there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not weird, you’re just part of our high achieving tribe (and I’m a lot like you). Which is why I want to talk about why high achievers can’t relax even when they finally have the time, why this quiet version of therapist burnout sneaks up on us, and how to teach your nervous system that it’s safe to slow down.
P.S. Not a huge fan of reading blogs? (I’m more of a podcast girl myself.) You can listen to my podcast episode all about this topic by clicking here or watching the video below!
You're the Master of Your Mind (Especially When It's Hard)
Before we get to the relaxing part, I want to talk about how you get to the top in the first place, because the two are connected.
I think of building a practice like running a marathon. We’re all running the same race toward our own finish line, whether that’s multiple 7-figures or a full team of therapists who love working for you.
Here’s what I’ve noticed over the years. Some people reach the finish line quickly, some get there eventually, and some never do. It usually comes down to one thing, and that’s what they choose to focus on. The runners who struggle get caught up in everything they can’t control (the sweat, the sore feet, the “this is so hard”). Those things are real, but they’re also just part of the race.
I learned early to not focus on what I can’t control. Honestly, I think it started in childhood. My home environment wasn’t great, so I learned to compartmentalize and stay hopeful anyway. If you’ve been through something similar, you get it (you learn to survive).
It’s not always the healthiest coping in your personal life, but applied to business, that skill is gold. Everything is perception, and whatever you focus on, you’ll get more of. So when you catch yourself scrolling those Facebook groups where everyone’s complaining that it’s slow or oversaturated, remember that you get to choose where your mind goes.
Hot Tip: Listen to my meditation for group practice owners to help you slow down, release hustle, and receive abundance!
3 Reasons High Achievers Can't Relax (and Where Burnout Sneaks In)
So you’ve done the hard part. You’ve mastered your mind, you’ve crossed the finish line, and now you finally get to plop down and enjoy it. Except you can’t. I bet that sounds pretty familiar.
When I went up to my cottage recently, I found myself unable to just sit and soak it in. Here’s what I think is actually going on, and I wonder if you relate.
1. "If I Slow Down, I'll Fall Behind"
None of these are rational, so I’m being really honest here. The first is this fear that the world is moving so fast that if I pause, I’ll miss something or fall behind my competitors. There’s a guilt underneath it, like a good CEO should always be doing more. (It’s not true, but the thought is pretty darn loud.)
2. Your Nervous System Doesn't Feel Safe Slowing Down
For a lot of high achievers, fully relaxing feels uncomfortable in the body. Your nervous system has been revving for so long that stillness reads as unsafe. This is why a vacation alone doesn’t fix it, because your body simply hasn’t learned that calm is okay yet, no matter how clear your calendar is.
3. You're Chasing the Next Dopamine Hit
We get so used to the reward cycle of achieve, hit, achieve, hit. Moving forward feels good. But it’s worth leaning into what that achievement actually means about you. If I’m producing, then I’m worthy? Good enough? For a lot of us, we’re trying to fill a void, and that’s a deeper conversation worth having with yourself (or your own therapist).
How to Teach Your Nervous System It's Safe to Relax
Here’s the part I really want you to hear. If you can’t relax now, it won’t magically get easier once you’ve sold the clinic or hit the million dollar mark.
I am you in five or seven years, and I promise the skill has to be built now. The good news is that it’s absolutely learnable!
A few things that genuinely help:
- Repeat the mantra. Breathe in slowly and tell yourself, it is safe to relax. Soak it into your cells. It really does work.
- Try the colleague test. If a friend told you they worked this many hours plus the whole weekend, what would you say to them? We’re far kinder to others than to ourselves, and this little externalizing trick helps you see your own week clearly.
- Let go of one hour at a time. You won’t go from full days to zero overnight. Release one hour, book something restful in its place, and let your nervous system learn it’s safe.
- Schedule your downtime (yes, really). I’ve accepted that my rest looks a little more planned than my husband’s, and that’s okay. I book the massage, the walk, the yoga, the therapy, and then I actually enjoy it. Knowing yourself is part of the work.
Hot Tip: I’m a bit obsessed with binaural beats and solfeggio frequencies right now. They’re specific sound frequencies that gently shift your brain waves toward a relaxed or deep-rest state. Pop in your headphones (that part really matters!) and play one first thing in the morning to set the tone for your whole day. You can find them on Spotify, and here’s my current favourite.
Learning to Enjoy What You Worked So Hard to Build
Your heart didn’t sign up for this journey just to keep sprinting forever. What you actually yearn for is to feel content, to lean back and enjoy the life you’re building. So do a little planning now, because when that day comes and you open your arms to everything waiting for you, I want you to be able to receive it.
Be gentle with yourself while you practice. Knowing the concepts and still finding it hard doesn’t mean you’re failing (I’m 45 and it’s still hard for me some days!). It just means you’re human, and you’re learning.
If this resonated, come find me on Instagram and tell me your narrative, I’d love to hear what you’re working on. And if you want the exact steps to build a practice that gives you your time back in the first place, that’s what the Clinic Growth Map™ is for!
Your Business Bestie,
Nicole
